The Loudest Silence
by My Divinest
Summary: Zack lost everything in one swoop. What will it take for him to want his life back?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer- I don't own anything. The idea came to me one day in English a couple months ago, when Scott Perry said something about silence being louder than any words could ever be. So I recently remembered it and decided to write on it.

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It's been said that silence speaks louder than words; that silence displays your thoughts better than words ever could.

That, however, only works if you've got something to say.

Zack Mooneyham sat on the floor, leaning against the wall with his guitar in his lap. He watched his roommate Freddy Jones bustle around and put away groceries. Zack sat in total silence. Freddy, however, couldn't shut up.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted toppings on the pizza," he said gesturing at the pizza boxes stacked on the counter. "So I got a slice of everything." Freddy put away the last of the groceries and turned to look at Zack, who just stared back. Freddy sighed. "Zack you haven't moved all day."

To this Zack lifted his arm. Freddy glared at him.

"That's not what I mean. Zack it's been three months. You haven't spoken a word since the accident and you haven't left the apartment either. You hardly eat anything anymore and you've lost a lot of weight…"

Zack saw Freddy's mouth keep moving, but he turned his friend out. He began to mindlessly strum his guitar, not realizing that the sounds he was making were not melodious in the least. He kept strumming until it was grabbed out of his hands.

"Zack! Listen to me, please. I know that it hurts but you have to move on. I refuse to just let you sit here wasting away," Freddy declared angrily.

Zack narrowed his eyes. Grabbing his guitar from Freddy, he silently walked into his room and closed the door. He stood in the middle of the room, looking around, his guitar dangling lifelessly from his hands.

Why couldn't Freddy just leave him alone? He didn't _want_ to be saved.

He stared at his reflection in the mirror. He took off his shirt and looked at himself closely. What stared back at him was a once strong, good looking young man, who now seemed close to death. He could see some of the bones sticking out where his ribcage was. His face was pale and his skin just seemed to be stretched over his cheekbones. His eyes seemed permanently glazed over, and his hair was a matted mess. He looked like the living dead. He smirked and put his shirt back on.

He sat on the floor and wrapped a blanket around his shoulders. He was always cold now. He hadn't slept in the bed in a long time; he slept on the floor now. The bed reminded him too much of her.

He heard a knock at the door and a minute later Freddy pushed it open. Damn. He'd forgotten to lock it.

"Come on man, I just want to help you," Freddy said. "You haven'thad anysun since Sarah died." Zack shot him a glare that could melt lava. "Yes, I said died. You didn't kill anyone Zack. It's not your fault. It was an accident."

Zack wrapped the blanket tighter around himself; he only succeeded in getting colder. He squeezed his eyes shut and began to rock back and forth against the memories that were threatening to surface.

He had hands on his back; Freddy was saying something. But he wasn't really thinking or listening.

Sarah. Beautiful, sweet, fun loving Sarah. She was so shy when she came to him for an autograph after one of the bands concerts. She lacked self confidence, and it took quite a bit of hedging on Zack's part to get her phone number. She was stunning gorgeous even if she didn't realize it; thin and athletic with thick curly dirty blonde hair and big blue eyes. It was love at first sight for the dark haired guitarist.

They dated steadily for a little over two years. After Sarah turned 19, she moved in with Zack and Freddy. Zack wanted to ask her to marry him, and he had been taking her to dinner at her favorite restaurant where he'd rented out one of the party rooms and covered it in flowers. It was there that he was going to pop the question. Or so he planned.

He hadn't bet on the rain.

Sarah had wanted to stay home…she said that the roads weren't safe. If only he'd have listened.

The other man had been driving drunk, Zack was told. He had been told by just about everyone that it wasn't his fault. But everyone else wasn't there, just himself and…Sarah. Unfortunately dead women don't tell tales.

He'd seen the car coming and swerved to avoid it. His brakes gave out on the wet pavement and the car began to spin. Zack's head was pounding and all he heard was Sarah's screaming echoing in his head. The car's spinning had been stopped by a crash into a tree on the passengers side.

Sarah had been killed instantly.

Her screams still invaded the shivering boys head.

"…come on. She wouldn't want you to waste away for the rest of your life. She'd want you to eat, and play your guitar, and live. She'd want you to _talk_," the blonde drummer deadpanned. Zack just looked at him through dead eyes. Freddy sighed again for what seemed like theseventh time that night. "All right. Well I'll be back later if you need anything. I brought you some cereal, dry. Just the way you like it. Try to eat some." As Freddy left, Zack noticed a bowl of Cocoa Krispies, his favorite, sitting next to him for the first time.

He waited until Freddy's footsteps had disappeared down the hallway and he'd heard the door close to go digging under his pillow on the makeshift bed.

He pulled out a square velvet box. He popped the top and set it on his guitar case and laid on his stomach, admiring it's simple yet exquisite beauty.

Sarah.

They didn't know the whole story. Whoever said that Sarah would forgive him didn't know the whole story.

They didn't know about the third person that had been in Zack's car that night.

He pulled out a picture that the hospital had gave him from inside his pillow case and stared at it. _A third potentially beautiful person_, he thought.

Oh Sarah…

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**END OF CHAPTER ONE**

I hope you paid attention this chapter. Things will be explained later.

It's really hard to make Zack not talk!

Anyway, review pleeeeeeease?


	2. Chapter 2

It was midnight, give or take a few minutes. Zack had not left his room since earlier. He had the bowl of cereal Freddy had left him before, in his lap. He scooped up three pieces and examined them. Nothing special. He put one in his mouth. It felt alien on his tongue; Freddy was right- he hadn't eaten in a while. He put the bowl down before getting up off the floor.

He walked carefully across the floorboards to his door. He unlocked it and twisted the handle, walking silently into the kitchen.

Looking around he realized he liked it better at night. Everything was still and quiet, there was no one around to bug him. He smirked and turned to the sink. He grabbed a cup and filled it with water.

Zack boosted himself up onto the counter with effort. He used to lift Sarah up there all the time to steal kisses with no problem. As soon as that thought crossed his mind, he jumped down as if it burned.

He felt different, he decided. Something about tonight made him feel different. Three months tomorrow. He looked at the clock. 1:47. Today.

Fuck. Three months today. No wonder he felt different. The still, quiet night suddenly seemed suffocating. The car going by below their window stopped. It was a red light. Zack always thought it was an awesome decoration to have in their window- a traffic light- especially when it changed. They always got a flood of color from it.

Zack looked at his water. It had turned to blood.

The guitarist stared at it for a minute, before hurling it across the room. It was headed straight for Freddy's door…

…The same door that was at that moment opening. Freddy's eyes widened and he ducked just as the glass flew over his head and crashed into the bedpost.

"Holy shit Zack! I woke up thirsty, but what are you trying to do, kill me?" he exclaimed standing up straight and walking towards the boy standing in the middle of the kitchen. "Are you alright?" Zack opened his mouth to respond but the constant lump in his throat stopped him. Tears flooded his eyes but he viciously swiped them away. Freddy sighed. "It's ok Zack. You don't have to say anything. I just hope that one day you will."

Zack stared at the blonde drummer. He forgot about the tears and let them fall as he tried to will his friend to understand. To his dismay, nothing in Freddy's gaze changed. it was still only pity. Zack could hardly stand the comforting arm Freddy had around his shoulders right now. He turned his back to his friend, and found that he was facing a mirror.

He couldn't stand to look at himself now. He closed his eyes to block the reflection, but the image of it and Freddy's pitying face invaded his head. His breathing grew ragged as he opened his eyes. The two images began to merge and spin into a swirl of colors and faces.

"I'm sorry Zack…It's not your fault Zack…She's in a better place Zack…It'll be ok Zack…" the voices came, all melding into one. "Zack…Zack…Zack…Zack…Zack…" He stared into the mirror. Sarah's face appeared. She smiled sweetly at him. "Zack…Zack…Zack…"

With a voiceless cry, Zack lunged for the mirror, sinking his fist into it and shattering it. The glass rained to the ground. He knelt in the glass, breathing hoarsely, the coarse denim of his jeans protecting his knees from the jagged edges. He gingerly picked up a piece, oblivious to the spots of blood that dotted his knuckles. He ran his finger along the edge, not hard, but hard enough to break the skin. He watched, mesmerized as the blood seeped out of his cut. It didn't hurt; he was numb and he wasn't comprehending or feeling anything.

Freddy hauled Zack to his feet and half dragged him to the sink. "Come on Zack, buddy, what are you doing to yourself?" He turned on the water and let it run, waiting for Zack to rinse the blood off his hands. However it became very clear that his friend was sapped of all energy and will to do anything.

Overcome with sadness, pity and shame, he tightened his grip around Zack's waist with one hand and guided his hands to the running water. He rinsed the blood off to the best of his ability.

At one point Zack laid his head against Freddy's chest, and the blonde thought he heard him whimper. It must have been a figment of his imagination, he decided. After all, Zack doesn't talk. Zack flinched as the water came into contact with his open wounds and Freddy winced. "I'm sorry Zack, does this hurt?" Zack made no reply. Freddy took his hands back, turned off the water and led Zack into the bathroom. He sat him down on the toilet and started rummaging around for their medical supplies. Arranging it all on the counter he began to bandage his friend. Zack stared at the blood mixing with silver shards of glass, the jagged piece still in his hand.

Freddy looked at his watch; 2:14. "Come on Zack. Go back to bed." When the boy didn't move, Freddy reached down for his hand to pull him up and noticed the piece of glass. A cold dread filled Freddy as he tried to get the glass out of his hand. "Zack let go," Freddy said. He couldn't understand why Zack was so dead set on holding it.

It seemed like everything crashed down on the blonde drummer kneeling in front of his best friend. He felt like crying. Zack wouldn't talk, they were running out of money, everyone was on his back about Zack…it was too much.

"Zack if you do not give me that fucking piece of goddamned glass, I'm going to go to bed and leave you here until you feel like getting your ass up," he said, voice low and dangerous.

Zack's brown eyes cleared a bit. They widened as he began to understand what Freddy was threatening to do. He dropped the glass and looked at his feet.

Zack internally berated himself. He was so _stupid_. What an embarrassing night. Now Freddy was angry at him. He opened his mouth to apologize but that damn lump stopped him from doing so. He looked at Freddy waiting for him to berate him as well.

Freddy just smiled wearily. "Zack. Let's get you to bed." He helped Zack up and led him to his room; the latter still shaken from his incident with the mirror. "You still don't sleep on the bed Zack?" Freddy asked when he opened the door. "Don't worry about it, it'll happen."

Zack was asleep by then. Freddy set him down on the 'bed' he used on the floor. "What the hell…" he picked up the picture that lay next to Zack's pillow. "Why does Zack have a sonogram?" he asked himself sitting back on his heels. He flipped it over looking for a date…October 16th. Two months before Sarah…died. Wait a second…Freddy looked closer. "Baby's first picture," he read.

This made no sense. Why would Zack have a sonogram? He couldn't have gotten Sarah pregnant, they always used protection. Freddy had given Zack 'the talk' himself, knowing full well that Zack's parents couldn't give a damn what happened to their son. He vowed to ask Zack about it in the morning. Freddy sighed, stood and looked down at the sleeping guitarist. Suddenly he felt very sore and tired, but he shook his head and went to clean up the glass. It had been a very long night.

Well. Hi. It's been a long time since I updated. I've already got the third chapter started and it should be up soon, now that there's NO MORE SCHOOL! I just have to study for finals but that won't take over my life I promise.

Later.

Thanks to: don'thavaclue96, DamonsHomegirl, Saynt Jimmy, i am not a chipmunk, Nanners-77, lil mizz purrfect, and Chinsky.


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